Making My Own Family

I’ve said it a million times – I moved across the country from my family. I live in the south west now, and my closest relative is a distant cousin in the north west. After that, there’s a straggler in Texas, and the rest have never left the north east.

It gets lonely.

And I’m not going to doubt that that isn’t a part of why I am always thinking about having a family. Being away from my parents and younger siblings makes me feel like something is missing. I don’t get to have a family to lean on, or have over for dinner, or go to when I feel like I’m overwhelming my S.O. It’s just me and him, the cat, and our close friends. We have Thanksgiving, we have birthdays, we have mini vacations. But it always feels like less than the whole.

I am the oldest of way too many siblings, and my life feels less fun without kids in it. I am so lucky that I get to spend some of my time with some amazing young families to help them out and help build up my savings account, but I am overwhelmed by this need for my own connection. I can say with confidence that a big part of this need is how close I am with my mom, but how far away she is from me while I’m out here, and she’s raising a bunch more kids.

It’s like being in a long distance relationship, without an end. It’s a constant tug to keep myself from wanting to fly home on a whim (which I’ve managed to only do twice) and surround myself with them.

I can’t even begin to describe how lucky I am to have my tiny family with my boyfriend and cat – I just can’t stop looking forward to a day when that family gets bigger.

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